Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
