Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
