Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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