The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
