Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
