If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
