I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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