you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
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