he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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