The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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