Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
