she was so not down for the gang bang
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
