Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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