Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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