is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
