the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
