It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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