My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
