i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
