She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize