were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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