When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
