okay pat passed out under dana's car
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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