yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
How external is "for external use only"?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
