i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
