hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
