I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
