boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
