i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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