i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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