2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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