My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
