Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
