We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
