i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
