You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
