Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
