Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
