Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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