just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
