I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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