i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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