During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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