I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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