I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
