So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
