i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
