Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
