ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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