oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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