thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
