who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
