bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
