smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
