Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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