I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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