fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
