All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
