Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
