thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
