Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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