And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
